B(Y)E

Bye is a 3 letter word. Funny how it is framed. Even in the word there is a question bye … B(Y)e

How strange is it too see people have come to your Life out of the billions and then touch your heart and say all the best at the same time day Bye. But y

But y . If it has to go y come. Maybe this pain is because of the love of not being physically there.

You never ever realise how important someone is until that person is gone.

And again it is basically memories. Always we think we are having fun but we didn’t realise that it was making of the lovely memories that we will be talking ahead

The pics that we take are just not that

 It’s a story and life behind it……

The lonely night

And she was angry again. I completely no idea how to calm her down. No idea to explain her. Well she was mad at me. I had rushed out of the dinner table to call her just to talk , the reply was it’s fine I’ll call later. I knew immediately that’s not happening . I texted and as usual she was mad at me.

Yes crazy right, how crazy can it be. Somehow I felt it is my problem now on. Her anger , Happiness, sadness, pain and frustration. It’s the effect of series in parallel. Man it’s tough , tough to do such things.

I’m a completely different character and somehow she knew me inside out. Her texts are the one that interests me more than the football matches I watch. I slept last night getting bored to it. The notification light turns red and I get impatient to reply. There has been so much involvement of her in my life. This made me think how and why. Okie so the answer of why can be that she resembles me somewhere myself. And how ? Yes her ideas of helping others , taking responsibility and filling up the plate called as helping. Her thinking too and lot of things. The next thing is I looked up and smiled at God and said thanks for this replica. Every moment you become Wonderstruck how and out of everything it’s during a time when you least expected. It’s that connection that even the little moisture in the eyes seems like there is a problem and I should ask. Just to realise how crazy and nonsensical would it might sound. That much moist is in everyone’s eyes and yet this pair seems separate. Even a “saar pe haath” would be like now what might have happened. This non verbal observation went on and on. 

So the point again she was very angry after something worse happened (which obviously I did out of shear fear and stupidity). For me the night wasn’t the same. Well definitely I had lost hopes , of all kinds it was just the next level for us. I cried but the pillow wasn’t wet. Next day it was fresh a new beginning . Oh wait , not at all she hadn’t given up. All that we missed was ‘time’ in our calculations. TIMEAnd she was angry again. I completely no idea how to calm her down. No idea to explain her. Well she was mad at me. I had rushed out of the dinner table to call her just to talk , the reply was it’s fine I’ll call later. I knew immediately that’s not happening . I texted and as usual she was mad at me.

Yes crazy right, how crazy can it be. Somehow I felt it is my problem now on. Her anger , Happiness, sadness, pain and frustration. It’s the effect of ‘series’ in ‘parallel’. Man it’s tough , tough to do such things.

I’m a completely different character and somehow she knew me inside out. Her texts are the one that interests me more than the football matches I watch. I slept last night getting bored to it. The notification light turns red and I get impatient to reply. There has been so much involvement of her in my life. This made me think how and why. Okie so the answer of why can be that she resembles me somewhere myself. And how ? Yes her ideas of helping others , taking responsibility and filling up the plate called as helping. Her thinking too and lot of things. The next thing is I looked up and smiled at God and said thanks for this replica. Every moment you become Wonderstruck how and out of everything it’s during a time when you least expected. It’s that connection that even the little moisture in the eyes seems like there is a problem and I should ask. Just to realise how crazy and nonsensical would it might sound. That much moist is in everyone’s eyes and yet this pair seems separate. Even a “saar pe haath” would be like now what might have happened. This non verbal observation went on and on. 

So the point again she was very angry after something worse happened (which obviously I did out of shear fear and stupidity). For me the night wasn’t the same. Well definitely I had lost hopes , of all kinds it was just the next level for us. I cried but the pillow wasn’t wet. Next day it was fresh a new beginning . Oh wait , not at all she hadn’t given up. All that we missed was ‘time’ in our calculations. TIME turned around and helped me big time.

Happiness Overnight

A new person was in the coach of the train I was traveling in. Well she is a jolly, funny and a really lovely person. A adorable woman. The point is I didn’t even realise the part that she is already sitting in the same coach. Well I’m not talking about a actual train just a connecting metaphor for life. So I met her a number of times and it took the conversation to a separate level. It’s rare to meet such a trusting and friendly person. Well it’s been quite sometime now. We started talking, talking about serious stuff. Talks became regular. We crossed a number of difficult stations together (other people were along) Then suddenly a abnormality was discovered, something that is at an emotional level. An abnormality that she has. She opens up to a point you never expected. You look at the smile and that there is something that is not letting her to be natural. It just got started and One of my mistakes were being pointed out and I had asked a little details about her to cover up mine. Then came the flow of it. I somehow was shooting in the darkest hour of a day yet it was perfectly pointed out. It’s not that I’m proud of it but just I was happy that I knew her already so well.

Question and answer were being shot at each other to a point we got tired . The ultimate thing was asked by her, “ How and why did you come close to me”. It was one of the rarest moments apart from me answering viva questions that I didn’t have any answer. I thought for some while and yet I couldn’t get any information from my backdating. The silence of the night without any answers had taken us to sleep.

Next morning everything in the world was same apart from 2 things me looking at her and her look at me. It was almost that I could talk with her without talking. She was happy , the happiness that she couldn’t reveal , the happiness that was from part opening up. Somehow that happiness lifted my spirits and helped to be happy.

One thing I learned that day is YOU could be a reason for happiness for someone. Don’t try to find him/her it might be someone next to you or someone you have known for long or short period of time. Is it something weird ? Is it friendship ? Is it what , No idea whatever it is , it’s amazing and I loved it. 

The Story behind LIFE

Ever thought what goes behind each person’s mind. How do they think . What they have been through. What could have possibly gone wrong. What could be extraordinarily good etc etc etc.
It’s stories , stories with numerous permutation and combination of problem and solutions. My life has a separate story altogether. It seemed that I have been through a lot of scary stuff. It’s only a drop in the ocean. Life takes different turns at almost every second it just needs to be realized. Every sorry ,every thank you, every mistake ,every solution takes you to a different door. I haven’t met so many people to do an analysis but all this comes out straight from the heart. Never mind my life is a separate story altogether and this very statement tells how less we know about life.

The strongest have fallen and weakest have grown strong.

Somewhere between the first breath and the last we mess it up. We judge even ourselves when it comes to affection and love. If I’m good for him/her , if things would work out. What will he/ she think. That’s like working with too many variables which is “variable”. Nothing is in your hand .We fail to realize that every person every human has some history behind to make them the way they are. We get stuck with the history or the “result of the history” of the person. If we are to take people as if “it’s there job” or “useless person” etc or as we judge each other than we are being machines with brains who don’t have emotions. He/She might have something like what we faced in our history . Who knows how things hold up in future let’s make the life which we enjoy and love. Continue reading “The Story behind LIFE”

The war of EGO AND HEART

​It was little difficult for me to accept it. I didn’t believe it. It pains everytime I say it.

Well it’s the ego at play.

There wasn’t probably anything left to compare you, freaking mountains , moon, drug , virus etc etc. Yes all of them are damm difficult to have. Trust me you were nothing difficult too. It’s not that I have you now but it’s probably the time I will have to leave difficult things in my life. Which indirectly means you. What possibly could I do more. You know what is the problem with a man , so much trying ?

It’s the ego , right the ego that is always at fight with the heart and convincing the ego that it is the right thing to do. Do you know ….

What happens when you convince your dad about your choice and it turns out that the choice is wrong, you start listening to your dad. Yeah! ego plays dad here. Yes and its very difficult to get over the virus or drug ( you) but the ego silently says it’s over even before it could start. I don’t hate you , it’s not that I can’t tolerate you it’s just that you are little too much for me. 

Even if I let you go and my heart cries to say goodbye but ego knows it’s for the best. 

I still want your city , want your town want you at times for dinners, movies but let’s face it for how long I’m gonna keep the demands.

Yes I can somewhat say I have somewhat moved on . Though How much I have no freaking idea.

Everytime you text me it’s a mild adrenaline rush, a excited mind wants to reply yet the ego plays the dad role and writes taunts hoping for the last try which never succeeds. 

Everytime I check your Facebook pics or status it just brings in the ego the attitude as if I don’t care. 

Well that’s the ego saying I REALLY DON’T CARE, and the heart yelling just ask me once for help I WOULD RUN TO YOU.

The Meeting

Ever since I got to know you will be back to home town for Durga Puja, my mind started it’s own celebration. There were complications, were weren’t talking because of some mistake which was pretty much stupid that just made me feel what would happen when we met. One meeting is what I craved for, one only.

Luckily God had plans. Things went back to normal for us and boy I was overjoyed. I was preparing for the day, The Meeting.

I knew it would be difficult, You have fans and yeah I kind of feel little jealous about it. So coming directly to the point we met after so much of struggle. That face , that dress and lastly the voice it had been so so so long. It’s almost like you meet your superhero you try to be normal and yet inside you went berzerk. Sitting with you , talking to you and the eye contact which I generally shy away from seemed to be so perfect for me. There were so many friends around yet the care for you was from the subconscious . Pulling you from the the probable push of crowd and talking to you particularly instead of other people, many more minute details.

So skipping directly to dinner, I waited for a chance to sit beside you and you called it was like you heard me at one go. Don’t remember ignoring friends that much lately . Oh guess what I remembered the reason , you were around. It’s a separate world around you. Probably first of a time when friends including you pulled my leg yet there was no counter, maybe because I never wanted. That’s what high in love is , that’s sick for someone is,  maybe!!

Lastly the bike ride, a easier and less busier road would have been perfect but I guess nothing is perfect in the world. So this time after dropping you home I thought a hug as per usual basis ( as we always did before leaving ) would be there. It wasn’t but I didn’t want to demand too. A bike ride was kind enough by the Gods. Who knew what would follow.

No no no I’m never ever getting rid of you. Never ever tried of you. Never ever busy for you. I keep on writing and thinking and talking about you. We had a picture together our first picture. What could I ask for more. You have given me more sleepless nights than exams and interviews. I don’t blame you, I blame the first day when Met you. I blame the Meeting , I blame everything that followed that it put me in so much in love with you. Continue reading “The Meeting”

You again

Somehow it seems it’s a virus. A virus whom neither me or the virus minds.

A drug which isn’t harmful. A drug which helps you to be better everyday without any side effects. Yes , these happened just because of you. YOU again-no medicines work , no correctional homes seems do any good. People often said it’s love, and I was a little confused about the use of the word. It’s more of a unconditional love, something that makes your heart always think and pause. The mind becomes like new copies ( completely blank). Yet it looks all normal. Yes YOU again is the reason, why I expect other women to be like you. Yes YOU again aren’t someone of my league and that’s why YOU are my dream. A dream girl , a feeling , a emotion, a moon for me, a parallel track of trains yet I’m ready to reach to you whatever the consequences are.

Yes YOU again is the fever I never want to let go.