The New Year Worry

It’s little late for a new year writing but I feel there are lot of things that I would put on paper and get it off my chest. I been thinking lately weather it was a mistake or I had done the right thing . I was wondering what could have been the chances of getting probably the same things somewhere else. I’m happy excited and at the same point of time little confused sad and worried.

This place this magical place had already given me so much and never thought that one day I will have to face such a situation. It’s tiring that everyday in this new year I have to stay away from people of my age not because I want to but because it demands. Today I was going through the names of the people whom I am in touch with and have more than a cordial relationship . So there’s is this entrepreneur whom we had invited during a conclave in the university. He was very surprised to get that invitation and was constantly honoured to get such a chance. Now going back to the current situation of mine, I have been involved in a probable miscommunication and a horribly misfortunate event with my batchmates hence losing most of them. When all that happened I was little worried and thought why did all happened. There was a hell lot of discussion with my family about it. Me usually being me decided to be calm and move on and think maybe it happened for the best . I went home to get off my emotions and before I was leaving I had perfectly planned event . My phone broke. Well that had way more emotions involved than just that. Well a family member jumped to help in the most surprising way. I was almost bankrupt ( not in true sense) and she said I will pay off , when I knew she wasn’t in a condition to do any such thing. The substitute phone had 2 features only even after being a smart phone , calling and music player. I switched off my heart and concentrated on my lungs and went home. The New Year happened with no internet and calls which wasn’t bad either and I slept back. The “New Year” had a surprising start. Managed to bring the list smile and came back to the second home. It was a new home knowing the mess that has happened. I insisted myself to forget and move on. Finding myself with a lot of free time I started something really out of the box and unusual with my routine. Well what was more surprising was the kind of small things happening.

The problem laid was I thought maybe the mess had left a mark on my clothes and I wasn’t able to rub them off even after New clothes. What I forgot was that it was New clothes and new beginning (a concept I don’t completely believe in). New people approached and surprising compliments came up. I wouldn’t believe any of that and thought too good to be true. What I realised over the time was as children when we lost a book or we ruined we would be happy when a new book was gifted and would be rather overwhelmed. Today the thing was opposite , was still on stuck to old stuff. The thing I lost was the nature’s way of bringing happiness . Instead of a book I was getting pens,colours,erasers,copies,brushes and everything to write a new book and I was unhappy about the ruined book.

So coming back to the entrepreneur who came to the University, he still had the picture of him being honoured in the University . That told me that he might still be awe of the event. I had almost overlooked that. I took that as an event and he way more ( he had just had graduated from the University barely a year ago and was getting a guest treatment). Finally I saw the new stationary I have. Way bigger than that book. Maybe it still affects the loss of the book but it’s exciting to have to write your own book to relish.

My family which includes all people who might be just a senior, friend, mentor, sister, brother, parents or my life became my Angels. Got my loving efficient phone back which could do way more than calling and music. Bankruptcy no more a problem. It was like a constant second life supporting me. Well it feels like a charge change in tracks and train. Well definitely not leaving my luggage behind.

Life always tends to project problems big and happiness small or maybe we do that. I love this feeling of having the people around now. It’s like the cake which went through a lot of heat and finally gets to meet the icing . Lot of time to get it ready with the cherry and the decorations but I’m sure the trimming and removal parts are done with. Will be still waiting for that cherry on the top of mine.

P.S- My cake is Black Forest and it has 2 layers of cake with icing and cream in between and that it put to make the cake tastier and stronger.

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The Magical place

As I stood and looked around a light breeze whispered by my ears. Been long since I last came up here. The attraction of this place is the perfect combination of the light and dark, the sound and silence and the position.

Lights: it’s wonderful to explain such a beautiful thing. The lights most of it which are far away yet to beautifully lit. All of them are normal house lights yet. The small shimmering lights are like the perfect hope in the dark night sky. The sky yes it’s not black at all it’s reddish . No it wasn’t evening it’s past midnight. Yet it’s reddish due to the wonderful streamlined lights and the smelting of the iron ore far away. Oh yes it’s a steel plant. The reflection of lights in the pond feels like the hill station .

Dark: well it’s night is supposed to be dark. It’s not bad it’s hope according to me. Even with the darkness of around us the lights shows us the possibilities around us. Don’t believe me look at Diwali. Again nature has her own style. The sky every night is lit with numerous lamps. From this place apart from monsoon most of the year they are clearly visible. Few multicolored few surprises me when they move. The man made fireflies are another addition to the dark. They have specific timing and at times I have ran to this place just to get a glimpse is them. Just not that I have tried to figure out what is the route and could they see from that height dark or light.

Sound: my mummer along with the sound of water splashing by the fishes and how can you neglect the insects and happy frogs. It’s like they are a perfect instrumental being played. The bass of the song is by a fan which is few kilometres away used to cool down the mine gases. The fan that I haven’t ever seen but only heard off. With the fan is a small moving subtle bass which are the tyres. The speeding vehicles on the G.T.Road and at times the screeching sound of the tyres. The only addition that has happened in the last few years is of a massive monster again can’t be seen. Though I have watched it only once and hence I am familiar with the roar it makes. The Arjan Singh air base is around 50 kms away. Every night I wish to dream of some practice action by them. Hence the monsters. All of these being heard from the place.

Silence: among all the chaos of light dark sound yet there is silence. This place provides me with the perfect setting for Me to be with myself. It’s as silent as you would be able to hear the inner you. That’s what we find right?

The right place with the perfect setting to be in peace with yourself . Silence is the utmost important thing that’s required after the tiresome day. This place is indeed magical.

I came here after a long long time and this place hasn’t changed at all.

The beauty of this place is unbelievable. The small tiny lights on those tiny houses and the perfect spot to spend sometime before you hit bed. I miss this place a lot , a place which is always close to my heart. My roof and the magic that engulfes it.

It all started here..

This is from my so called late childhood. I was then in standard 9. I was giving my exams. It was history exam. The subject I would always like to forget. My history with the subject doesn’t go well. On the other part my mom and I were to go to a family function right away after the exam. I entered the hall with the usual wishes to each other wishing ‘‘best of luck’’. The paper was given when I fell an unusual headache. Well when it began to be worse I complained to the teacher concerned. Within an hour I was allowed to go back home with my mom. She came rushing to the school on hearing about my condition. Our trip to attend family function got cancelled anyway. I was back home taking complete rest. One long sleep made me feel a lot better. At night dad returned. I was in not state to take criticism. I was already in the midst of mixed feelings. The feelings were had I done right in skipping the exam. Even after that dad came and said it wasn’t correct of me to do what I had done and lot other things which I can’t remember right now. It suddenly became a burden for me. I hadn’t expected so much in one day. At that time I dint have much so called great whom could I talk to. I stuck myself to a diary. That was the first day when I wrote what I felt. My life my feelings. It has continued since then to this day only the medium has changed. From diary to Facebook notes to raps to word document and then tumblr blog and finally a blog of my own in Blogger which landed me in WordPress.

Literate or Educated

I was waiting for few of my friends at a metro station. It was all gloomy as it was Mumbai and you can’t deny it’s all charming here. A city of dreams and lively as heaven. Pardon, not exactly heaven. Funny things at the city the traffic the weather which I accepted it will be going to be like that. The work life is insane and also the kind of night life and the amount of cars and people living. So coming to the point. How self obsessed people have become in the city. 2 things have struck me. So the destruction to the nature and the nature of people that has come.

NATURE : I have seen hills cut and being cut . I don’t know the same hills whom few decades ago people might have appreciated and loved to see. It’s insane how we make effort to go to some other places to watch beautiful scenery. It’s like breaking your own home TV and then going to a relative’s home to watch a TV and be mesmerised by that. I guess there is a major miscalculation that happened about the expansion and if it had to happen then at what cost. Coming to the nature of people. Crowd means families and that is money to run them. This heads to work or employment . The city has specifically lead to the motto “ Time is money .” Don’t believe me take a look at the local trains here the lifeline of Mumbai and what it has done. The outrage that people carry here. Pushing , shouting , kicking and that’s even not half of it . What choices do people even have . Metro construction already delayed and creates havoc in the roads. I would only pray for the betterment of it. The nature of people I meant. 2nd is the fact of being literate. I strongly feel that they are illiterate. Why such strong views . Okie so at multiple times and different places I have seen that people have acted both educated yet illiterate. Spitting is a problem that I don’t want to speak about also. Let’s not start that. The authorities aren’t to blame at all. I recently haven’t seen so many dustbins in recent times in a city yet people have made successful efforts to make it dirty , I mean not all but a particular section. The section I like to call “Educated yet Illiterate” . Yet I would say I like this city , loved the long walks the rains rather drizzles that I have witnessed. It’s not disgust but pretty much same anywhere around a metro city. I wouldn’t even talk about my home city Kolkata or Asansol .

B(Y)E

Bye is a 3 letter word. Funny how it is framed. Even in the word there is a question bye … B(Y)e

How strange is it too see people have come to your Life out of the billions and then touch your heart and say all the best at the same time day Bye. But y

But y . If it has to go y come. Maybe this pain is because of the love of not being physically there.

You never ever realise how important someone is until that person is gone.

And again it is basically memories. Always we think we are having fun but we didn’t realise that it was making of the lovely memories that we will be talking ahead

The pics that we take are just not that

 It’s a story and life behind it……

The lonely night

And she was angry again. I completely no idea how to calm her down. No idea to explain her. Well she was mad at me. I had rushed out of the dinner table to call her just to talk , the reply was it’s fine I’ll call later. I knew immediately that’s not happening . I texted and as usual she was mad at me.

Yes crazy right, how crazy can it be. Somehow I felt it is my problem now on. Her anger , Happiness, sadness, pain and frustration. It’s the effect of series in parallel. Man it’s tough , tough to do such things.

I’m a completely different character and somehow she knew me inside out. Her texts are the one that interests me more than the football matches I watch. I slept last night getting bored to it. The notification light turns red and I get impatient to reply. There has been so much involvement of her in my life. This made me think how and why. Okie so the answer of why can be that she resembles me somewhere myself. And how ? Yes her ideas of helping others , taking responsibility and filling up the plate called as helping. Her thinking too and lot of things. The next thing is I looked up and smiled at God and said thanks for this replica. Every moment you become Wonderstruck how and out of everything it’s during a time when you least expected. It’s that connection that even the little moisture in the eyes seems like there is a problem and I should ask. Just to realise how crazy and nonsensical would it might sound. That much moist is in everyone’s eyes and yet this pair seems separate. Even a “saar pe haath” would be like now what might have happened. This non verbal observation went on and on. 

So the point again she was very angry after something worse happened (which obviously I did out of shear fear and stupidity). For me the night wasn’t the same. Well definitely I had lost hopes , of all kinds it was just the next level for us. I cried but the pillow wasn’t wet. Next day it was fresh a new beginning . Oh wait , not at all she hadn’t given up. All that we missed was ‘time’ in our calculations. TIMEAnd she was angry again. I completely no idea how to calm her down. No idea to explain her. Well she was mad at me. I had rushed out of the dinner table to call her just to talk , the reply was it’s fine I’ll call later. I knew immediately that’s not happening . I texted and as usual she was mad at me.

Yes crazy right, how crazy can it be. Somehow I felt it is my problem now on. Her anger , Happiness, sadness, pain and frustration. It’s the effect of ‘series’ in ‘parallel’. Man it’s tough , tough to do such things.

I’m a completely different character and somehow she knew me inside out. Her texts are the one that interests me more than the football matches I watch. I slept last night getting bored to it. The notification light turns red and I get impatient to reply. There has been so much involvement of her in my life. This made me think how and why. Okie so the answer of why can be that she resembles me somewhere myself. And how ? Yes her ideas of helping others , taking responsibility and filling up the plate called as helping. Her thinking too and lot of things. The next thing is I looked up and smiled at God and said thanks for this replica. Every moment you become Wonderstruck how and out of everything it’s during a time when you least expected. It’s that connection that even the little moisture in the eyes seems like there is a problem and I should ask. Just to realise how crazy and nonsensical would it might sound. That much moist is in everyone’s eyes and yet this pair seems separate. Even a “saar pe haath” would be like now what might have happened. This non verbal observation went on and on. 

So the point again she was very angry after something worse happened (which obviously I did out of shear fear and stupidity). For me the night wasn’t the same. Well definitely I had lost hopes , of all kinds it was just the next level for us. I cried but the pillow wasn’t wet. Next day it was fresh a new beginning . Oh wait , not at all she hadn’t given up. All that we missed was ‘time’ in our calculations. TIME turned around and helped me big time.

Happiness Overnight

A new person was in the coach of the train I was traveling in. Well she is a jolly, funny and a really lovely person. A adorable woman. The point is I didn’t even realise the part that she is already sitting in the same coach. Well I’m not talking about a actual train just a connecting metaphor for life. So I met her a number of times and it took the conversation to a separate level. It’s rare to meet such a trusting and friendly person. Well it’s been quite sometime now. We started talking, talking about serious stuff. Talks became regular. We crossed a number of difficult stations together (other people were along) Then suddenly a abnormality was discovered, something that is at an emotional level. An abnormality that she has. She opens up to a point you never expected. You look at the smile and that there is something that is not letting her to be natural. It just got started and One of my mistakes were being pointed out and I had asked a little details about her to cover up mine. Then came the flow of it. I somehow was shooting in the darkest hour of a day yet it was perfectly pointed out. It’s not that I’m proud of it but just I was happy that I knew her already so well.

Question and answer were being shot at each other to a point we got tired . The ultimate thing was asked by her, “ How and why did you come close to me”. It was one of the rarest moments apart from me answering viva questions that I didn’t have any answer. I thought for some while and yet I couldn’t get any information from my backdating. The silence of the night without any answers had taken us to sleep.

Next morning everything in the world was same apart from 2 things me looking at her and her look at me. It was almost that I could talk with her without talking. She was happy , the happiness that she couldn’t reveal , the happiness that was from part opening up. Somehow that happiness lifted my spirits and helped to be happy.

One thing I learned that day is YOU could be a reason for happiness for someone. Don’t try to find him/her it might be someone next to you or someone you have known for long or short period of time. Is it something weird ? Is it friendship ? Is it what , No idea whatever it is , it’s amazing and I loved it.