It’s little late for a new year writing but I feel there are lot of things that I would put on paper and get it off my chest. I been thinking lately weather it was a mistake or I had done the right thing . I was wondering what could have been the chances of getting probably the same things somewhere else. I’m happy excited and at the same point of time little confused sad and worried.
This place this magical place had already given me so much and never thought that one day I will have to face such a situation. It’s tiring that everyday in this new year I have to stay away from people of my age not because I want to but because it demands. Today I was going through the names of the people whom I am in touch with and have more than a cordial relationship . So there’s is this entrepreneur whom we had invited during a conclave in the university. He was very surprised to get that invitation and was constantly honoured to get such a chance. Now going back to the current situation of mine, I have been involved in a probable miscommunication and a horribly misfortunate event with my batchmates hence losing most of them. When all that happened I was little worried and thought why did all happened. There was a hell lot of discussion with my family about it. Me usually being me decided to be calm and move on and think maybe it happened for the best . I went home to get off my emotions and before I was leaving I had perfectly planned event . My phone broke. Well that had way more emotions involved than just that. Well a family member jumped to help in the most surprising way. I was almost bankrupt ( not in true sense) and she said I will pay off , when I knew she wasn’t in a condition to do any such thing. The substitute phone had 2 features only even after being a smart phone , calling and music player. I switched off my heart and concentrated on my lungs and went home. The New Year happened with no internet and calls which wasn’t bad either and I slept back. The “New Year” had a surprising start. Managed to bring the list smile and came back to the second home. It was a new home knowing the mess that has happened. I insisted myself to forget and move on. Finding myself with a lot of free time I started something really out of the box and unusual with my routine. Well what was more surprising was the kind of small things happening.
The problem laid was I thought maybe the mess had left a mark on my clothes and I wasn’t able to rub them off even after New clothes. What I forgot was that it was New clothes and new beginning (a concept I don’t completely believe in). New people approached and surprising compliments came up. I wouldn’t believe any of that and thought too good to be true. What I realised over the time was as children when we lost a book or we ruined we would be happy when a new book was gifted and would be rather overwhelmed. Today the thing was opposite , was still on stuck to old stuff. The thing I lost was the nature’s way of bringing happiness . Instead of a book I was getting pens,colours,erasers,copies,brushes and everything to write a new book and I was unhappy about the ruined book.
So coming back to the entrepreneur who came to the University, he still had the picture of him being honoured in the University . That told me that he might still be awe of the event. I had almost overlooked that. I took that as an event and he way more ( he had just had graduated from the University barely a year ago and was getting a guest treatment). Finally I saw the new stationary I have. Way bigger than that book. Maybe it still affects the loss of the book but it’s exciting to have to write your own book to relish.
My family which includes all people who might be just a senior, friend, mentor, sister, brother, parents or my life became my Angels. Got my loving efficient phone back which could do way more than calling and music. Bankruptcy no more a problem. It was like a constant second life supporting me. Well it feels like a charge change in tracks and train. Well definitely not leaving my luggage behind.
Life always tends to project problems big and happiness small or maybe we do that. I love this feeling of having the people around now. It’s like the cake which went through a lot of heat and finally gets to meet the icing . Lot of time to get it ready with the cherry and the decorations but I’m sure the trimming and removal parts are done with. Will be still waiting for that cherry on the top of mine.
P.S- My cake is Black Forest and it has 2 layers of cake with icing and cream in between and that it put to make the cake tastier and stronger.
I was waiting for few of my friends at a metro station. It was all gloomy as it was Mumbai and you can’t deny it’s all charming here. A city of dreams and lively as heaven. Pardon, not exactly heaven. Funny things at the city the traffic the weather which I accepted it will be going to be like that. The work life is insane and also the kind of night life and the amount of cars and people living. So coming to the point. How self obsessed people have become in the city. 2 things have struck me. So the destruction to the nature and the nature of people that has come.
NATURE : I have seen hills cut and being cut . I don’t know the same hills whom few decades ago people might have appreciated and loved to see. It’s insane how we make effort to go to some other places to watch beautiful scenery. It’s like breaking your own home TV and then going to a relative’s home to watch a TV and be mesmerised by that. I guess there is a major miscalculation that happened about the expansion and if it had to happen then at what cost. Coming to the nature of people. Crowd means families and that is money to run them. This heads to work or employment . The city has specifically lead to the motto “ Time is money .” Don’t believe me take a look at the local trains here the lifeline of Mumbai and what it has done. The outrage that people carry here. Pushing , shouting , kicking and that’s even not half of it . What choices do people even have . Metro construction already delayed and creates havoc in the roads. I would only pray for the betterment of it. The nature of people I meant. 2nd is the fact of being literate. I strongly feel that they are illiterate. Why such strong views . Okie so at multiple times and different places I have seen that people have acted both educated yet illiterate. Spitting is a problem that I don’t want to speak about also. Let’s not start that. The authorities aren’t to blame at all. I recently haven’t seen so many dustbins in recent times in a city yet people have made successful efforts to make it dirty , I mean not all but a particular section. The section I like to call “Educated yet Illiterate” . Yet I would say I like this city , loved the long walks the rains rather drizzles that I have witnessed. It’s not disgust but pretty much same anywhere around a metro city. I wouldn’t even talk about my home city Kolkata or Asansol .
A new person was in the coach of the train I was traveling in. Well she is a jolly, funny and a really lovely person. A adorable woman. The point is I didn’t even realise the part that she is already sitting in the same coach. Well I’m not talking about a actual train just a connecting metaphor for life. So I met her a number of times and it took the conversation to a separate level. It’s rare to meet such a trusting and friendly person. Well it’s been quite sometime now. We started talking, talking about serious stuff. Talks became regular. We crossed a number of difficult stations together (other people were along) Then suddenly a abnormality was discovered, something that is at an emotional level. An abnormality that she has. She opens up to a point you never expected. You look at the smile and that there is something that is not letting her to be natural. It just got started and One of my mistakes were being pointed out and I had asked a little details about her to cover up mine. Then came the flow of it. I somehow was shooting in the darkest hour of a day yet it was perfectly pointed out. It’s not that I’m proud of it but just I was happy that I knew her already so well.
Question and answer were being shot at each other to a point we got tired . The ultimate thing was asked by her, “ How and why did you come close to me”. It was one of the rarest moments apart from me answering viva questions that I didn’t have any answer. I thought for some while and yet I couldn’t get any information from my backdating. The silence of the night without any answers had taken us to sleep.
Next morning everything in the world was same apart from 2 things me looking at her and her look at me. It was almost that I could talk with her without talking. She was happy , the happiness that she couldn’t reveal , the happiness that was from part opening up. Somehow that happiness lifted my spirits and helped to be happy.
One thing I learned that day is YOU could be a reason for happiness for someone. Don’t try to find him/her it might be someone next to you or someone you have known for long or short period of time. Is it something weird ? Is it friendship ? Is it what , No idea whatever it is , it’s amazing and I loved it.
Ever thought what goes behind each person’s mind. How do they think . What they have been through. What could have possibly gone wrong. What could be extraordinarily good etc etc etc.
It’s stories , stories with numerous permutation and combination of problem and solutions. My life has a separate story altogether. It seemed that I have been through a lot of scary stuff. It’s only a drop in the ocean. Life takes different turns at almost every second it just needs to be realized. Every sorry ,every thank you, every mistake ,every solution takes you to a different door. I haven’t met so many people to do an analysis but all this comes out straight from the heart. Never mind my life is a separate story altogether and this very statement tells how less we know about life.
The strongest have fallen and weakest have grown strong.
Somewhere between the first breath and the last we mess it up. We judge even ourselves when it comes to affection and love. If I’m good for him/her , if things would work out. What will he/ she think. That’s like working with too many variables which is “variable”. Nothing is in your hand .We fail to realize that every person every human has some history behind to make them the way they are. We get stuck with the history or the “result of the history” of the person. If we are to take people as if “it’s there job” or “useless person” etc or as we judge each other than we are being machines with brains who don’t have emotions. He/She might have something like what we faced in our history . Who knows how things hold up in future let’s make the life which we enjoy and love. Continue reading “The Story behind LIFE”
Somehow it seems it’s a virus. A virus whom neither me or the virus minds.
A drug which isn’t harmful. A drug which helps you to be better everyday without any side effects. Yes , these happened just because of you. YOU again-no medicines work , no correctional homes seems do any good. People often said it’s love, and I was a little confused about the use of the word. It’s more of a unconditional love, something that makes your heart always think and pause. The mind becomes like new copies ( completely blank). Yet it looks all normal. Yes YOU again is the reason, why I expect other women to be like you. Yes YOU again aren’t someone of my league and that’s why YOU are my dream. A dream girl , a feeling , a emotion, a moon for me, a parallel track of trains yet I’m ready to reach to you whatever the consequences are.
Yes YOU again is the fever I never want to let go.
3 months into my MBA , it’s already a roller coaster ride. A vacation finally I get and instead of enjoying it completely , I analyse it if I’m enjoying it daily.
But how did you come into the picture?
We weren’t talking to each other. How come you are still so important?
Looks like this mind has lost repeated battles fought on You with the heart. A lot of things around me still connect me with you , things which are safely put in the safe of the mind. The roads, the gift shops ( not that I bought gifts still) , the places, movies and the unbearable songs. Unbearable because the heart seems to relax and that’s what people call ‘skipping a beat’. The mind seems to be in some world or as people call it as ‘being high’. And lastly the body is in high energy flow with no movement or as people call it ‘adreline rush’.
I know the consequences yet accept all the reactions, accept the incidences and even sometimes things happening which I don’t like.
Why am I still fighting ? Why do I still care? Why do I not change things and concentrate on work? Why do I not change tracks? Why do still bring up your name and topic ?
Good question I have an answer.
I don’t know. Because that is something not bound by logic, by science , by reasons or by anything except for feeling
You still seem to have bought most land in my life unknowingly even when the prices are high and are against all odds.
July 1, 2016- Cuttack
One thing of bongs being a bong I disliked was the acceptance. For us it has always been tough to accept new things. Today I started a new part of my life. After graduation in pursuing MBA, from Sri Sri University. Months ago the orifice prospect was very interesting and exciting. Not that it’s not exciting or interesting but the point is a lot has been sacrificed. For many it might be just home, neighbors, friends or family for me it is a part of me.
I often thought I might be so much fun without the usual life but I was wrong. Each and every member flashes in front of my eyes, how much I miss them already. I never had neighbors never will as they are my cousins. When I went to bow down to one of neighbour , a brother I just remember what he said, “are tera to main bhai Hun , bhai se gala milte hai pair nahi chute” .
I never could handle emotions . Not atleast when my mom is crying. Not when my dad is usually sad which he doesn’t show. I prayed to God that I should be able to handle the situation when they will have to part. Maybe MBA will be a costly decision to live with not by money but by the fact I won’t be sleeping in my bed or waking up to my dad’s wake up nod.
The fact I realised that, I am feeling just like I the time when I was admitted to kindergarten when I started crying as soon as my parents left. The only difference is I’ve grown I cried now too but inside which hurts than before.