A new person was in the coach of the train I was traveling in. Well she is a jolly, funny and a really lovely person. A adorable woman. The point is I didn’t even realise the part that she is already sitting in the same coach. Well I’m not talking about a actual train just a connecting metaphor for life. So I met her a number of times and it took the conversation to a separate level. It’s rare to meet such a trusting and friendly person. Well it’s been quite sometime now. We started talking, talking about serious stuff. Talks became regular. We crossed a number of difficult stations together (other people were along) Then suddenly a abnormality was discovered, something that is at an emotional level. An abnormality that she has. She opens up to a point you never expected. You look at the smile and that there is something that is not letting her to be natural. It just got started and One of my mistakes were being pointed out and I had asked a little details about her to cover up mine. Then came the flow of it. I somehow was shooting in the darkest hour of a day yet it was perfectly pointed out. It’s not that I’m proud of it but just I was happy that I knew her already so well.
Question and answer were being shot at each other to a point we got tired . The ultimate thing was asked by her, “ How and why did you come close to me”. It was one of the rarest moments apart from me answering viva questions that I didn’t have any answer. I thought for some while and yet I couldn’t get any information from my backdating. The silence of the night without any answers had taken us to sleep.
Next morning everything in the world was same apart from 2 things me looking at her and her look at me. It was almost that I could talk with her without talking. She was happy , the happiness that she couldn’t reveal , the happiness that was from part opening up. Somehow that happiness lifted my spirits and helped to be happy.
One thing I learned that day is YOU could be a reason for happiness for someone. Don’t try to find him/her it might be someone next to you or someone you have known for long or short period of time. Is it something weird ? Is it friendship ? Is it what , No idea whatever it is , it’s amazing and I loved it.
Ever thought what goes behind each person’s mind. How do they think . What they have been through. What could have possibly gone wrong. What could be extraordinarily good etc etc etc.
It’s stories , stories with numerous permutation and combination of problem and solutions. My life has a separate story altogether. It seemed that I have been through a lot of scary stuff. It’s only a drop in the ocean. Life takes different turns at almost every second it just needs to be realized. Every sorry ,every thank you, every mistake ,every solution takes you to a different door. I haven’t met so many people to do an analysis but all this comes out straight from the heart. Never mind my life is a separate story altogether and this very statement tells how less we know about life.
The strongest have fallen and weakest have grown strong.
Somewhere between the first breath and the last we mess it up. We judge even ourselves when it comes to affection and love. If I’m good for him/her , if things would work out. What will he/ she think. That’s like working with too many variables which is “variable”. Nothing is in your hand .We fail to realize that every person every human has some history behind to make them the way they are. We get stuck with the history or the “result of the history” of the person. If we are to take people as if “it’s there job” or “useless person” etc or as we judge each other than we are being machines with brains who don’t have emotions. He/She might have something like what we faced in our history . Who knows how things hold up in future let’s make the life which we enjoy and love. Continue reading “The Story behind LIFE”
Somehow it seems it’s a virus. A virus whom neither me or the virus minds.
A drug which isn’t harmful. A drug which helps you to be better everyday without any side effects. Yes , these happened just because of you. YOU again-no medicines work , no correctional homes seems do any good. People often said it’s love, and I was a little confused about the use of the word. It’s more of a unconditional love, something that makes your heart always think and pause. The mind becomes like new copies ( completely blank). Yet it looks all normal. Yes YOU again is the reason, why I expect other women to be like you. Yes YOU again aren’t someone of my league and that’s why YOU are my dream. A dream girl , a feeling , a emotion, a moon for me, a parallel track of trains yet I’m ready to reach to you whatever the consequences are.
Yes YOU again is the fever I never want to let go.
3 months into my MBA , it’s already a roller coaster ride. A vacation finally I get and instead of enjoying it completely , I analyse it if I’m enjoying it daily.
But how did you come into the picture?
We weren’t talking to each other. How come you are still so important?
Looks like this mind has lost repeated battles fought on You with the heart. A lot of things around me still connect me with you , things which are safely put in the safe of the mind. The roads, the gift shops ( not that I bought gifts still) , the places, movies and the unbearable songs. Unbearable because the heart seems to relax and that’s what people call ‘skipping a beat’. The mind seems to be in some world or as people call it as ‘being high’. And lastly the body is in high energy flow with no movement or as people call it ‘adreline rush’.
I know the consequences yet accept all the reactions, accept the incidences and even sometimes things happening which I don’t like.
Why am I still fighting ? Why do I still care? Why do I not change things and concentrate on work? Why do I not change tracks? Why do still bring up your name and topic ?
Good question I have an answer.
I don’t know. Because that is something not bound by logic, by science , by reasons or by anything except for feeling
You still seem to have bought most land in my life unknowingly even when the prices are high and are against all odds.
July 1, 2016- Cuttack
One thing of bongs being a bong I disliked was the acceptance. For us it has always been tough to accept new things. Today I started a new part of my life. After graduation in pursuing MBA, from Sri Sri University. Months ago the orifice prospect was very interesting and exciting. Not that it’s not exciting or interesting but the point is a lot has been sacrificed. For many it might be just home, neighbors, friends or family for me it is a part of me.
I often thought I might be so much fun without the usual life but I was wrong. Each and every member flashes in front of my eyes, how much I miss them already. I never had neighbors never will as they are my cousins. When I went to bow down to one of neighbour , a brother I just remember what he said, “are tera to main bhai Hun , bhai se gala milte hai pair nahi chute” .
I never could handle emotions . Not atleast when my mom is crying. Not when my dad is usually sad which he doesn’t show. I prayed to God that I should be able to handle the situation when they will have to part. Maybe MBA will be a costly decision to live with not by money but by the fact I won’t be sleeping in my bed or waking up to my dad’s wake up nod.
The fact I realised that, I am feeling just like I the time when I was admitted to kindergarten when I started crying as soon as my parents left. The only difference is I’ve grown I cried now too but inside which hurts than before.