The Magical place

As I stood and looked around a light breeze whispered by my ears. Been long since I last came up here. The attraction of this place is the perfect combination of the light and dark, the sound and silence and the position.

Lights: it’s wonderful to explain such a beautiful thing. The lights most of it which are far away yet to beautifully lit. All of them are normal house lights yet. The small shimmering lights are like the perfect hope in the dark night sky. The sky yes it’s not black at all it’s reddish . No it wasn’t evening it’s past midnight. Yet it’s reddish due to the wonderful streamlined lights and the smelting of the iron ore far away. Oh yes it’s a steel plant. The reflection of lights in the pond feels like the hill station .

Dark: well it’s night is supposed to be dark. It’s not bad it’s hope according to me. Even with the darkness of around us the lights shows us the possibilities around us. Don’t believe me look at Diwali. Again nature has her own style. The sky every night is lit with numerous lamps. From this place apart from monsoon most of the year they are clearly visible. Few multicolored few surprises me when they move. The man made fireflies are another addition to the dark. They have specific timing and at times I have ran to this place just to get a glimpse is them. Just not that I have tried to figure out what is the route and could they see from that height dark or light.

Sound: my mummer along with the sound of water splashing by the fishes and how can you neglect the insects and happy frogs. It’s like they are a perfect instrumental being played. The bass of the song is by a fan which is few kilometres away used to cool down the mine gases. The fan that I haven’t ever seen but only heard off. With the fan is a small moving subtle bass which are the tyres. The speeding vehicles on the G.T.Road and at times the screeching sound of the tyres. The only addition that has happened in the last few years is of a massive monster again can’t be seen. Though I have watched it only once and hence I am familiar with the roar it makes. The Arjan Singh air base is around 50 kms away. Every night I wish to dream of some practice action by them. Hence the monsters. All of these being heard from the place.

Silence: among all the chaos of light dark sound yet there is silence. This place provides me with the perfect setting for Me to be with myself. It’s as silent as you would be able to hear the inner you. That’s what we find right?

The right place with the perfect setting to be in peace with yourself . Silence is the utmost important thing that’s required after the tiresome day. This place is indeed magical.

I came here after a long long time and this place hasn’t changed at all.

The beauty of this place is unbelievable. The small tiny lights on those tiny houses and the perfect spot to spend sometime before you hit bed. I miss this place a lot , a place which is always close to my heart. My roof and the magic that engulfes it.

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It all started here..

This is from my so called late childhood. I was then in standard 9. I was giving my exams. It was history exam. The subject I would always like to forget. My history with the subject doesn’t go well. On the other part my mom and I were to go to a family function right away after the exam. I entered the hall with the usual wishes to each other wishing ‘‘best of luck’’. The paper was given when I fell an unusual headache. Well when it began to be worse I complained to the teacher concerned. Within an hour I was allowed to go back home with my mom. She came rushing to the school on hearing about my condition. Our trip to attend family function got cancelled anyway. I was back home taking complete rest. One long sleep made me feel a lot better. At night dad returned. I was in not state to take criticism. I was already in the midst of mixed feelings. The feelings were had I done right in skipping the exam. Even after that dad came and said it wasn’t correct of me to do what I had done and lot other things which I can’t remember right now. It suddenly became a burden for me. I hadn’t expected so much in one day. At that time I dint have much so called great whom could I talk to. I stuck myself to a diary. That was the first day when I wrote what I felt. My life my feelings. It has continued since then to this day only the medium has changed. From diary to Facebook notes to raps to word document and then tumblr blog and finally a blog of my own in Blogger which landed me in WordPress.

B(Y)E

Bye is a 3 letter word. Funny how it is framed. Even in the word there is a question bye … B(Y)e

How strange is it too see people have come to your Life out of the billions and then touch your heart and say all the best at the same time day Bye. But y

But y . If it has to go y come. Maybe this pain is because of the love of not being physically there.

You never ever realise how important someone is until that person is gone.

And again it is basically memories. Always we think we are having fun but we didn’t realise that it was making of the lovely memories that we will be talking ahead

The pics that we take are just not that

 It’s a story and life behind it……

The lonely night

And she was angry again. I completely no idea how to calm her down. No idea to explain her. Well she was mad at me. I had rushed out of the dinner table to call her just to talk , the reply was it’s fine I’ll call later. I knew immediately that’s not happening . I texted and as usual she was mad at me.

Yes crazy right, how crazy can it be. Somehow I felt it is my problem now on. Her anger , Happiness, sadness, pain and frustration. It’s the effect of series in parallel. Man it’s tough , tough to do such things.

I’m a completely different character and somehow she knew me inside out. Her texts are the one that interests me more than the football matches I watch. I slept last night getting bored to it. The notification light turns red and I get impatient to reply. There has been so much involvement of her in my life. This made me think how and why. Okie so the answer of why can be that she resembles me somewhere myself. And how ? Yes her ideas of helping others , taking responsibility and filling up the plate called as helping. Her thinking too and lot of things. The next thing is I looked up and smiled at God and said thanks for this replica. Every moment you become Wonderstruck how and out of everything it’s during a time when you least expected. It’s that connection that even the little moisture in the eyes seems like there is a problem and I should ask. Just to realise how crazy and nonsensical would it might sound. That much moist is in everyone’s eyes and yet this pair seems separate. Even a “saar pe haath” would be like now what might have happened. This non verbal observation went on and on. 

So the point again she was very angry after something worse happened (which obviously I did out of shear fear and stupidity). For me the night wasn’t the same. Well definitely I had lost hopes , of all kinds it was just the next level for us. I cried but the pillow wasn’t wet. Next day it was fresh a new beginning . Oh wait , not at all she hadn’t given up. All that we missed was ‘time’ in our calculations. TIMEAnd she was angry again. I completely no idea how to calm her down. No idea to explain her. Well she was mad at me. I had rushed out of the dinner table to call her just to talk , the reply was it’s fine I’ll call later. I knew immediately that’s not happening . I texted and as usual she was mad at me.

Yes crazy right, how crazy can it be. Somehow I felt it is my problem now on. Her anger , Happiness, sadness, pain and frustration. It’s the effect of ‘series’ in ‘parallel’. Man it’s tough , tough to do such things.

I’m a completely different character and somehow she knew me inside out. Her texts are the one that interests me more than the football matches I watch. I slept last night getting bored to it. The notification light turns red and I get impatient to reply. There has been so much involvement of her in my life. This made me think how and why. Okie so the answer of why can be that she resembles me somewhere myself. And how ? Yes her ideas of helping others , taking responsibility and filling up the plate called as helping. Her thinking too and lot of things. The next thing is I looked up and smiled at God and said thanks for this replica. Every moment you become Wonderstruck how and out of everything it’s during a time when you least expected. It’s that connection that even the little moisture in the eyes seems like there is a problem and I should ask. Just to realise how crazy and nonsensical would it might sound. That much moist is in everyone’s eyes and yet this pair seems separate. Even a “saar pe haath” would be like now what might have happened. This non verbal observation went on and on. 

So the point again she was very angry after something worse happened (which obviously I did out of shear fear and stupidity). For me the night wasn’t the same. Well definitely I had lost hopes , of all kinds it was just the next level for us. I cried but the pillow wasn’t wet. Next day it was fresh a new beginning . Oh wait , not at all she hadn’t given up. All that we missed was ‘time’ in our calculations. TIME turned around and helped me big time.

The Story behind LIFE

Ever thought what goes behind each person’s mind. How do they think . What they have been through. What could have possibly gone wrong. What could be extraordinarily good etc etc etc.
It’s stories , stories with numerous permutation and combination of problem and solutions. My life has a separate story altogether. It seemed that I have been through a lot of scary stuff. It’s only a drop in the ocean. Life takes different turns at almost every second it just needs to be realized. Every sorry ,every thank you, every mistake ,every solution takes you to a different door. I haven’t met so many people to do an analysis but all this comes out straight from the heart. Never mind my life is a separate story altogether and this very statement tells how less we know about life.

The strongest have fallen and weakest have grown strong.

Somewhere between the first breath and the last we mess it up. We judge even ourselves when it comes to affection and love. If I’m good for him/her , if things would work out. What will he/ she think. That’s like working with too many variables which is “variable”. Nothing is in your hand .We fail to realize that every person every human has some history behind to make them the way they are. We get stuck with the history or the “result of the history” of the person. If we are to take people as if “it’s there job” or “useless person” etc or as we judge each other than we are being machines with brains who don’t have emotions. He/She might have something like what we faced in our history . Who knows how things hold up in future let’s make the life which we enjoy and love. Continue reading “The Story behind LIFE”

The war of EGO AND HEART

​It was little difficult for me to accept it. I didn’t believe it. It pains everytime I say it.

Well it’s the ego at play.

There wasn’t probably anything left to compare you, freaking mountains , moon, drug , virus etc etc. Yes all of them are damm difficult to have. Trust me you were nothing difficult too. It’s not that I have you now but it’s probably the time I will have to leave difficult things in my life. Which indirectly means you. What possibly could I do more. You know what is the problem with a man , so much trying ?

It’s the ego , right the ego that is always at fight with the heart and convincing the ego that it is the right thing to do. Do you know ….

What happens when you convince your dad about your choice and it turns out that the choice is wrong, you start listening to your dad. Yeah! ego plays dad here. Yes and its very difficult to get over the virus or drug ( you) but the ego silently says it’s over even before it could start. I don’t hate you , it’s not that I can’t tolerate you it’s just that you are little too much for me. 

Even if I let you go and my heart cries to say goodbye but ego knows it’s for the best. 

I still want your city , want your town want you at times for dinners, movies but let’s face it for how long I’m gonna keep the demands.

Yes I can somewhat say I have somewhat moved on . Though How much I have no freaking idea.

Everytime you text me it’s a mild adrenaline rush, a excited mind wants to reply yet the ego plays the dad role and writes taunts hoping for the last try which never succeeds. 

Everytime I check your Facebook pics or status it just brings in the ego the attitude as if I don’t care. 

Well that’s the ego saying I REALLY DON’T CARE, and the heart yelling just ask me once for help I WOULD RUN TO YOU.

The Meeting

Ever since I got to know you will be back to home town for Durga Puja, my mind started it’s own celebration. There were complications, were weren’t talking because of some mistake which was pretty much stupid that just made me feel what would happen when we met. One meeting is what I craved for, one only.

Luckily God had plans. Things went back to normal for us and boy I was overjoyed. I was preparing for the day, The Meeting.

I knew it would be difficult, You have fans and yeah I kind of feel little jealous about it. So coming directly to the point we met after so much of struggle. That face , that dress and lastly the voice it had been so so so long. It’s almost like you meet your superhero you try to be normal and yet inside you went berzerk. Sitting with you , talking to you and the eye contact which I generally shy away from seemed to be so perfect for me. There were so many friends around yet the care for you was from the subconscious . Pulling you from the the probable push of crowd and talking to you particularly instead of other people, many more minute details.

So skipping directly to dinner, I waited for a chance to sit beside you and you called it was like you heard me at one go. Don’t remember ignoring friends that much lately . Oh guess what I remembered the reason , you were around. It’s a separate world around you. Probably first of a time when friends including you pulled my leg yet there was no counter, maybe because I never wanted. That’s what high in love is , that’s sick for someone is,  maybe!!

Lastly the bike ride, a easier and less busier road would have been perfect but I guess nothing is perfect in the world. So this time after dropping you home I thought a hug as per usual basis ( as we always did before leaving ) would be there. It wasn’t but I didn’t want to demand too. A bike ride was kind enough by the Gods. Who knew what would follow.

No no no I’m never ever getting rid of you. Never ever tried of you. Never ever busy for you. I keep on writing and thinking and talking about you. We had a picture together our first picture. What could I ask for more. You have given me more sleepless nights than exams and interviews. I don’t blame you, I blame the first day when Met you. I blame the Meeting , I blame everything that followed that it put me in so much in love with you. Continue reading “The Meeting”