3 months into my MBA , it’s already a roller coaster ride. A vacation finally I get and instead of enjoying it completely , I analyse it if I’m enjoying it daily.
But how did you come into the picture?
We weren’t talking to each other. How come you are still so important?
Looks like this mind has lost repeated battles fought on You with the heart. A lot of things around me still connect me with you , things which are safely put in the safe of the mind. The roads, the gift shops ( not that I bought gifts still) , the places, movies and the unbearable songs. Unbearable because the heart seems to relax and that’s what people call ‘skipping a beat’. The mind seems to be in some world or as people call it as ‘being high’. And lastly the body is in high energy flow with no movement or as people call it ‘adreline rush’.
I know the consequences yet accept all the reactions, accept the incidences and even sometimes things happening which I don’t like.
Why am I still fighting ? Why do I still care? Why do I not change things and concentrate on work? Why do I not change tracks? Why do still bring up your name and topic ?
Good question I have an answer.
I don’t know. Because that is something not bound by logic, by science , by reasons or by anything except for feeling
You still seem to have bought most land in my life unknowingly even when the prices are high and are against all odds.
July 1, 2016- Cuttack
One thing of bongs being a bong I disliked was the acceptance. For us it has always been tough to accept new things. Today I started a new part of my life. After graduation in pursuing MBA, from Sri Sri University. Months ago the orifice prospect was very interesting and exciting. Not that it’s not exciting or interesting but the point is a lot has been sacrificed. For many it might be just home, neighbors, friends or family for me it is a part of me.
I often thought I might be so much fun without the usual life but I was wrong. Each and every member flashes in front of my eyes, how much I miss them already. I never had neighbors never will as they are my cousins. When I went to bow down to one of neighbour , a brother I just remember what he said, “are tera to main bhai Hun , bhai se gala milte hai pair nahi chute” .
I never could handle emotions . Not atleast when my mom is crying. Not when my dad is usually sad which he doesn’t show. I prayed to God that I should be able to handle the situation when they will have to part. Maybe MBA will be a costly decision to live with not by money but by the fact I won’t be sleeping in my bed or waking up to my dad’s wake up nod.
The fact I realised that, I am feeling just like I the time when I was admitted to kindergarten when I started crying as soon as my parents left. The only difference is I’ve grown I cried now too but inside which hurts than before.